Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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