i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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