just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
