strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
