So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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