Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
