Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
