you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
