even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want a musical about memes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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