Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You pole danced in your parka.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
