Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
