in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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