i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
