nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
