You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
