Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
