why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
