I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
