i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
