party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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