if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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