singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
