i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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