He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
