Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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