First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
