Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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