i just google imaged poop.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
