it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
