Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
