you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
