They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
