Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
