Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
