Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
