oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
