his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
