I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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