Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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