If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
