i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
