His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
