I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
