Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
