i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
