At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
