Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
