If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
