you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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