are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The struggles of a small town man whore
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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