I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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