girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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