I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
