dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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