he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
high people should be assigned attendants
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
