redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
