That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
