Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pants are for mortals
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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