He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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