he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
