what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
