You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
