im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
