So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
