party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
