He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
