Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
