i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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