I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
