Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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