Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
