I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All the doctor said was why
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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