i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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