Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
