they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
