I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
